Parents: Friend or Foe

On the first look over the title its impression may seem feeble. It seems that whatever we perceive, we know everything about it. But it's only our prejudice, faith and belief which stop us to rationalize things to save its existence. Strange! We all have a crystal clear concept and definitions of parents; for us parents are river of love, caretaker, well wisher and all the good terms we can use. It is true that they are all above anything without any exception, but only from the sociological and emotional point of view. This is the place where foe face parents hide and do their work silently. For a person with normal intellect it's not easy to swallow it. Let's start with a very famous and authenticated writer Oscar Wilde, who says,
"Children begin by loving their parents; after a time they judge them; rarely, if ever, do they forgive them."

Parenting is very difficult responsibility to bear; it is like walking on double edge sword. Even a small careless step can be fatal. The separation line between friend and foe is so delicate to observe. Your one un-conscious step may push you in category of enemy. Here enemy does not mean that someone is running behind you with knife in hand, full of bad intention. Parent's intention seems perfect within their purview of judgment but many times when they cross the limit of goodness, well wishing, responsibility and expectation they turn into an enemy, because they play a key role in personality development of a child. It is parent's responsibility to take care of their child, to decide good or bad. Parents always try to do best for their child. But many times, they get overly protective to their child and ask to obey their rules. While doing this, parents take away the freedom of child to do anything as they wish. Parents must be aware about human limitations and must respect it. In 'What type of parents you are'? We discussed the way of parenting basically on the basis of attachment and psychological point of view. Here we are discussing it in a more practical manner on day to day basis of our life.

Parents cross the limit of being a friend, without knowing even they are crossing it, when they start imposing their thoughts and beliefs on their child. They cleverly try to instill their wish in the name of dreams for child. This is just a selfish nature of human which creates a vicious circle. Parent see dreams for their child, then the same child will grow up as parents and have her/his dreams for their child. This trend continues and the dreams of child get crushed-off. This circle should be eliminated, letting everyone dream for self and living up those dreams. Parents should not make their child a medium to fulfill their dreams.

Parents are solely responsible to make their child neurotic, by injecting inferiority complex in them. It is parents who gave them expectation (expectations of self, society, religion etc) as a scale to measure her/his conscience. It creates a mesh around the child due to which under pressure of expectation she/he fears to take important steps of their lives. They only bother about the scale set by their parents, and not about their potential. Many time parents show more affection to customs and traditions than child.

"Honour Killing" is an example which proves that, customs, honour and society, matter more to parents than their kids. Parents always appreciate those children who agree, do not question them, and discourage those who question their thinking. Many times parents in the name of well-wishing exploits their child's dependence. Parents have to learn not to condemn, not to insult and not to humiliate their child. They must teach them to follow their heart and mind. They must teach them the middle path and every set of philosophy. A conversation of a story say much about the way parents should behave.

"Your children are not your children. They are sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you. And though they are with you yet they do not belong to you. You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts. You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams. You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday. You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth. The archer sees the make upon the path of the infinite, and he bends you with his might that his arrows may go swift and far. Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness. For even as he loves the arrow, that flies, so He also loves the bow that is stable."
Nothing left to explain after what this classical work explains us. Though, it is written by 'Khalil Gibran' but every philosopher, every saint has told the same. It is the essence of philosophy of ideal parenting. It includes all the aspect of parenting, whether a sociological aspect or psychological aspect. Every hypothesis related to this topic, no matter from where they start, will fall in this for the inference. As it is essence of all work on parenting since the inception of knowledge in human life.

Suggested readings:

1. What type of parents you are?

2. Violent behavior